Thanks to Tanya (go here and read all about her) I have a computer to communicate with the outside world again. Thank you Tanya, my 2 loyal readers are happy again.
Let me super condense the past 4 weeks of my life
1. Everything is great
2. Everything is all of a sudden not great.
3. Everything is stable and looking good.
I’ll focus on bullet point number dos. Huck and Finn, the miniature people with whom I currently share a body, decided to break out of my uterine jail 4 months too early. My theory as to why they pulled this stunt: because they like seeing me on the verge of cardiac arrest already. I feel like this is foreshadowing of their toddler years.
The upside: Thanks to the docs who preformed at bit of knitting 101 on my cervix Huck and Finn are still fetuses instead of extremely premature infants or worse. Side note: If you are feeling a little bummed out about your life I invite you over for an enjoyable evening of desserts and drama. I will reenact cervical surgery while you enjoy a store-bought (but vegan, of course) brownie. I guarantee you will leave in a more grateful and jovial frame of mind than when you came thankful, mostly, that won’t have to sit through that again.
The downside: having one’s cervix crocheted shut isn’t how you’d want to spend an enjoyable, diverting evening. And the bedrest. In theory, bedrest sounds great. My mind entertains ideas of copious amounts of books and DVD’s while a chef (Mr. Johnson) prepares the most wonderful vegan delights as he sings with the voice of Julie Andrews the State of Being Verb song to our young brood whilst I happily spend the day in bed endlessly entertained.
Let me tell you what it’s really like,
Everyday I count the days until a doctor’s visit so I can leave the house.
My children mock me in scarily subtle ways.While Eagle questions the doctors bedrest judgment, “Mom, surely you can do more than just lay around.” With emphasis on surely. Then I tell him,”oops, I totally forgot, Lego International called while you were outside. I told them you’d rather not accept the Grand Prize free Lego offer because you are much to humble.” Then he laughs and lays in bed with him while I tell him stories of his babyhood. Mainly the one where I was his favorite person for 6 years until he discovered Legos, Cub Scouts, and friends.
My husband isn’t super excited about filling Julie Andrews shoes. In fact vacuuming sends him over the edge. He can make a mean vegan sandwich, though. I sense his need to talk about steel and Mutual Funds are a means of compensation for domestic duties.
A friend brought over a meal recently and gushed, “Man, I wish I could be on bedrest for a month. It looks like a nice break.”
Then I kung Fu-ed her face with my super flexible pregnancy limbs.
But quickly forgave her when I tasted the curried carrot soup she brought. It was so good.
Moral of the story: Feel free to be insulting if good food is around.
There are only 3 things you should say to a pregnant lady.
1. You look FANTASTIC
2. Here, sit down
3. Have a cookie
Over and out.